my baum shelter

I am what the medical profession politely calls a mother of advanced age. When you have your first baby at age 36 as opposed to age 26, trust me, there are many reminders that ten years makes a big difference when it comes to baby-rearing. So, I tend to shy away from saying things that will only highlight the fact that I’m the really old mom in the crowd. But, here goes – it really amazes me that most children are taught to address adults by their first names. Yes, call me old-fashioned, but I think that there should be clear lines between adults and children and using a formal title is an easy way to teach this to a child.

In this part of the country these days, the common practice is to teach one’s child to refer to adults as Mister/Miss (First Name), though plenty of people dispense with the Miss or Mister altogether. Of my many friends with children, almost all of them refer to me as Dionna or Miss Dionna. Even though it is strange to me to hear children addressing adults by their first name, it is certainly not anything that has ever offended me. I think every parent has the right to instill their own value system when it comes to manners. And, I certainly don’t feel disrespected simply because I’m not referred to as Mrs. Bierbaum. But, like I said, I’m the old one in the crowd and both Fred and I are old-fashioned, so when it comes to our kids, we’d like to teach them to use last names.

Fred was raised in a very Southern, very tiny town and always referred to the adults in his life as Mister/Miss (First Name). I was raised all over our fine country (but never in a tiny Southern town) and I, along with all my peers, always addressed the adults in our lives as Mr./Mrs./Ms. (Last Name). On the rare occasion when an adult would invite me to call them by their first name, my mother would later remind me that it wasn’t appropriate even when invited until I was an adult. Once I graduated high school, several friends’ parents then invited me to call them by their first names, since I “was an adult now.” At that point, I addressed them by their first names, but to this day it still feels a little funny to me.

Both Fred and I are more comfortable teaching our children to address adults by their last names with the only exception being family, in which case we use family names. Though, I’m considering changing my brother’s name from Uncle Chad to That Strange Man, as in ”babyBaum, don’t listen to that strange man - headbutting as a way of greeting is really not acceptable.” Let’s just say that I still can’t believe that my son has been successfully taught how to head butt at the tender age of one. But, I digress. 

I think everyone should be able to make whatever decisions are most comfortable for their family. However, I think our decision in this area will be very tricky since no one else we know does this. I envision potential awkwardness if our son’s friends address me as Dionna, but we teach him to address his friend’s mom as Mrs. Smith. You may be thinking to yourself right about now, Aren’t there more important (or at the very least, more entertaining) topics to mull over?  And I would say, 1) this is my blog so I get to mull over mundane issues such as this if I want; and 2) this has been on my mind because I keep seeing this topic discussed in various places. I even recently read that some states (Louisiana and another that is escaping my memory – old age, remember?) have enacted state-wide laws mandating that children in public schools use Mr./Mrs./Ms. + last names when addressing their teachers. Can you believe that the informality has become so entrenched that we have resorted to mandating by law the use of last names for teachers in public schools? The old woman in me thinks that is just plain crazy.

We shall see how this plays out when the time comes. I think that we should be able to pass along this seemingly old-fashioned, out-of-date tradition of address onto our children if we want, but I think we will come across as uppity or judgmental, which really isn’t the case at all.